#doitscared

By the time you read this many of you will be holding your copy of “I’m Supposed to be Here.” I’m forever grateful for the support it’s receiving. It has done nothing but solidify for me how important it is to move forward with whatever it is God has placed in your heart to do. No matter how long it actually takes.

I wrote the book as a poem about five years ago and to be honest I can’t even tell you why. I do know I had no intentions of really doing anything with it except maybe type it up and give it to Hayden one day. I can only say it was something God had given to me and told me to write it down so I did. I let a few people read it and they all concluded that I needed to share it. I figured they were being kind so I graciously said, “thanks, I sure will” and left it there.

Through the years, every time I’ve shared, I was told the same thing over and over. After a while, I had so many prompts and hints that it became undeniable that I needed to do more with it than keep it in my journal. Let me tell you how you now it’s a “God thing”… I went on a gospel cruise (God set up #1 because I HATE (did I mention deathly afraid of) large, public bodies of water) and the musical artist, (a rapper at that), pointed directly at me while performing and said “I know there’s a book waiting to be put out into the world in this room.” That still shakes me when I think about it to this day! I still have no idea what book writing had to do with his performance that evening. I’m guessing God did though. Knowing that his daughter is extra special; that I had already decided that the rap artist must have been cross-eyed and double jointed completely mistaken that it was I he was showcasing, God had me do something else I would have never done on my own. Just on a whim, and I mean a wild one, I emailed the poem to a local publisher. She called me the very next day and requested that I meet with her right away. I remember almost coming to tears as she was able to convey exactly what I wanted to be understood from simply reading the manuscript one time. I found that with increasing “coincidence” God would send my way family after family’s story of their NICU experience and say to my heart, they need the encouragement of Hayden’s story. If that ain’t God trying to tell me something I don’t know what is… But like many of us, I had as many excuses as the day is long. We don’t have the money to self -publish; I have no idea how to even start the process of shopping around for a publisher; No one is going to want to read it; I can’t find the right illustrator; We’ll never recoup the money spent and we don’t have money to waste. I’m telling you the list went on and on… but at the heart of it all it simply boiled down to I was scared!

God would not let it rest. He would not let it go and I knew that after all these obvious hints if I didn’t move forward I would seriously be letting Him down. I could not stomach that. Plus, I simply wanted to get God (and some others who were behind this) to leave me alone! So, I promised Him that if He held my hand I would begin to trust Him in this process and let Him lead me exactly where to go. And when I say everything fell right into place, I am not even exaggerating a little. I can’t even harbor any regret that it took so long because I know God’s timing is always perfect. In this moment, I’m just happy I obeyed. My lesson learned, when God puts something in your heart immediately turn your mind off. Stop thinking of all the excuses and reasons why you don’t need to do it and just DO IT SCARED!

Let me close with this encouragement, don’t ever let intimidation rob your impact! No matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you, someone’s life is depending upon your obedience. Yep, it’s that serious!

Till next time, thank you for the moment!